Friday, August 20, 2010

On self-esteem.

Recently, I have come under criticism for acting like I'm "all that". (Someone actually used those words, and I wanted to tell them that 1995 wanted its catch phrase back, but even 1995 doesn't want it.)

Here's the thing: of course I have issues with my self esteem. Show me a woman who claims she doesn't, and I'll show you a liar.

For your enjoyment, here is a (partial) list of things I have a problem with when it comes to my body and me as a person:

  • I have been struggling with my weight since the mid-1990s. From my mother telling me that the last time I looked good was in October of 1996, to working in the fashion industry, to trying to shop for clothing, I have not been satisfied with my weight for over a decade.
  • My breasts are large. Like, can't-button-a-shirt large.
  • My nasal labial folds are getting more pronounced.
  • My eyes are small.
  • I'm lazy.
  • I'm dispassionate.
  • I'm selfish.
However, and this is the important bit, none of these things matter. Because I am generally an upbeat person, with a huge laugh, an amazing group of friends. I have been told time and time again that I am too self-aggrandizing when I say things like, "I'm amazing," or "My life is awesome." Even worse, I've been told that I'm faking it and that I'm actually miserable.

But you know what? I'm not. I truly love my life. I am working to change myself every day. So what if I like nice clothing? So what if I lust after the newest Chanel nail polish? 

My life rules. So does yours. I like you. I like me. Anyone that tells you that your life is somehow less than you know it to be can, in the words of my mother (who isn't always awful), take a long walk off a short pier.

Now, I'm going to get on my bike, go and pick up a bottle of wine, and have dinner with my friend and talk about our goals. So there.


  1. Hey! I just discovered this, after having heard you spoken about in reverent, hushed whispers during the Fringe. So come back! Oh, and all the "shortcomings" you have with your physical self are exactly the same as mine.